Bottom Line: This boisterous, belligerent and brainless popcorn action flick has all the subtlety of a monkey lit on fire while chasing flashlight beams in a darkened room. BATTLESHIP bows to the pressures of making a summer blockbuster that anyone will care about past its 131 minute running time (good luck caring even that long) – and this laughable, Michael Bay-ish, Navy-boys & aliens disaster flick vigorously tries to paddle its way through multiple muddled storylines, painful acting and cheesy dialogue. It’s easy to fathom some finding joy in the barrage of non-stop, mindless destruction that keeps the proceedings marginally afloat – but I’m pretty sure a two-hour plus movie about pre-teen kids actually playing the popular board game would prove immensely more enjoyable. Sunk by everything aside from its chaotic action, BATTLESHIP is a miss.
Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, Rihanna and Liam Neeson
Directed by: Peter Berg (FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, HITCH and THE RUNDOWN)
Running time: 131 minutes
Story: Based on Hasbro's classic naval combat game, Battleship is an epic action-adventure that unfolds across the seas, in the skies and over land as our planet fights for survival against a superior force. (Universal Pictures)