Friday, January 23, 2015

THE BOY NEXT DOOR (F)

The Quick Fix: Predictable, flat and decidedly unsexy…
The Bottom Line: Words are essentially wasted on this bottom-of-the-barrel, basement-dwelling, barely-legal, reverse Fatal Attraction borefest....  It’s straight up garbage, and at this rate I’m afraid I’ll have my worst of 2015 list ready by mid-February.  J-Lo’s stale cookies crumble in this formulaically manufactured, awkwardly familiar, ridiculously scripted, poorly acted and horrendously directed pseudo-stalker wannabe.  A movie that’s so blandly awful, that it’s not even campy fun – you’ll laugh, but you’ll be surprised at how little once you realize how seriously everyone seems to be taking themselves. This mess wouldn’t even tip the scales on a guilty pleasure weigh-in.  There is that neighborly steamy romp in the sheets that everyone (no one?) keeps talking about – but it’s a flaccid, forced and flimsy plot device that turns out to be about as sexy as turning your back to the crowd, wrapping your arms around your shoulder blades and moving your head around like your making out with someone.  I think we’ve finally found out how low J can go…  You want abusively sexy – hold out for 50 Shades of Grey.  You want methodically menacing – go rent 2014’s The Guest.  This Fly Girl rarely makes a good movie so, instead, watch her make the talk show rounds gushing how good this movie is – because that, my friends, is the best acting she’s done in years!

Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, John Corbett and Kristin Chenoweth
Directed by: Rob Cohen (ALEX CROSS, STEALTH, XXX, DRAGONHEART and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS)
Rated: R (for violence, sexual content/nudity and language)
Running time: 91 minutes
Studio description: A psychological thriller that explores a forbidden attraction that goes much too far. (C) Universal


4 comments:

Lolo said...

AGREED. UGH. I hated this movie so much! At least our review was fun to write. Enjoyed yours, thanks for sharing!

BRTaibl said...

Haha! Thanks, Lolo! Just checked out your page and read your review as well - great stuff... Seems we also felt the same way (more or less) about Blackhat. followed you over on twitter as well - looking forward to reading more.

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