BTMG's 5 FIRST QUARTER WORST

January through March of most years is pretty rough terrain for movie releases.  These months are, for the most part, considered dumping grounds.  When it comes to colossal wastings of your valuable time and hard-earned money – I found these to be the biggest culprits.

IDENTITY THIEF (starring Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy)

PLANES TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES meets MIDNIGHT RUN minus the wit, heart, brains, fun, action, laughter…and, again, fun.  Simultaneously trying too hard and not hard enough to entertain, the real THIEF here was any movie theater that gladly accepted your money to see this falsely told and timidly flat flick.

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (starring Bruce Willis)

I was the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time – when I sat down thinking I was about to enjoy another DIE HARD movie. In this, Detective John McClane is an over-the-hill, underused underdog in an uninteresting, uninspired and underwhelmingly generic, live-action cartoon.  Packed with ridiculous action and little else, today would actually be a GREAT day for all future installments of this series to indeed DIE HARD.

BROKEN CITY (starring Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe)

A snail-paced, convoluted and contrived wannabe-political potboiler that’s only semi-saving grace is the involvement of a playing-drunk Wahlberg, a not-singing Crowe and the occasional need to feel like you should probably be paying attention…  It’s dull, clichéd and teems with a slew of unresolved plotlines, unimaginative dialogue and uninteresting characters.  BROKEN CITY is unfortunately beyond repair.

OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN (starring Gerard Butler and Morgan Freeman)

A goofily patriotic and excessively violent political thriller that’s more aptly titled CLEAR AND PRESENT DIE ZERO DARK OLYMPUS FALLEN DANGER HARD THIRTY – because of its liberal lifting of ideas from far better films if its ilk. Blatantly ripping at least a dozen beats directly from the original DIE HARD, it’ll easily scratch any no-brain-needed action itch you may possess – but if you’re looking for anything beyond goofily thunderous gunplay, you best lower your expectations on this derivatively over-the-top flick.

JACK THE GIANT SLAYER (starring Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor and Stanley Tucci)

Fee-Fi…Ho Hum. A sometimes visually stunning and always tonally challenged piece of revisionist, fairy tale cinema that’s mired in static dialogue, ultimately uninteresting storytelling and shoulder-shrugging daring-do.  Not awful mind you, but awfully bland – you’re best served by saving this giant movie for the small screen of your living room.