INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (A)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger, Til Schweiger, Eli Roth, Michael Fassbender, Mike Myers, Cloris Leachman and Samuel L. Jackson

Story: In the first year of the German occupation of France, Shosanna Dreyfus witnesses the execution of her family at the hand of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa. Shosanna narrowly escapes and flees to Paris where she forges a new identity as the owner and operator of a cinema. Elsewhere in Europe, lieutenant Aldo Raine organizes a group of Jewish American soldiers to perform swift, shocking acts of retribution. Later known to their enemy as "the basterds," Raine's squad joins German actress and undercover agent Bridget von Hammersmark on a mission to take down the leaders of the Third Reich. Fates converge under a cinema marquis, where Shosanna is poised to carry out a revenge plan of her own (The Weinstein Company)

Rated: R

Bottom line: Even though the movie runs a tad over 2 ½ hours long it still plays out like a vivid, energetic, violent, imaginative and way over the top, gritty fairytale. You either love Tarantino’s work and vision or you don’t. And this, although not his greatest effort, stands right up there with some of his best. Man, I love these basterds!

SHORTS (C-)

Starring: Jon Cryer, William H. Macy, Leslie Mann, James Spader, Jimmy Bennett, Kat Dennings, Trevor Gagnon and Leo Howard

Story: Eleven-year-old Toe Thompson is the designated punching bag for the bullies of the suburban community of Black Falls, where his and everyone else's parents work for Black Box Industries, makers of the do-it-all gadget that's sweeping the nation. But during a freak storm, a mysterious Rainbow Rock, which grants wishes to anyone who finds it, falls from the sky. Suddenly, the neighborhood that Toe already thinks is weird is about to get a lot weirder. As the Rainbow Rock ricochets around the town--from kid to kid and parent to parent--wishes-come-true quickly turn the neighborhood upside down in a wild rampage of everything from tiny aliens to giant boogers. The magical fantasy adventure Shorts is told through a series of interwoven not-so-tall tales that each brings to life the sometimes wonderful, often terrible, and totally out-of-control wishes that become far more than Toe and his neighbors ever imagined (Warner Bros)

Rated: PG

Bottom line: Creative but without charm and energetic but without a mute button, SHORTS… is way too long. Little kids will eat it up with a spoon – but, as an adult, if you don’t have a headache and A.D.D. going in to the movie…you’ll certainly have them coming out.

POST GRAD (F)

Starring: Alexis Bledel, Zach Gilford, Rodrigo Santoro, Bobby Coleman, Fred Armisen, Jane Lynch, Carol Burnett and Michael Keaton

Story: Ryden Malby had a plan. Do well in high school, thereby receiving a great college scholarship. Now that she’s finally graduated, it’s time for her to find a gorgeous loft apartment and land her dream job at the city’s best publishing house (Fox Searchlight)

Rated: PG-13

Bottom line: There’s irony in the title POST GRAD as it’s highly unlikely that anyone involved in making this generic, bland and annoying mess of a movie ever received a diploma…from anywhere.

DISTRICT 9 (A-)

Starring: Sharlto Copley and David James

Story: Over twenty years ago, aliens made first contact with Earth. Humans waited for the hostile attack, or the giant advances in technology. Neither came. Instead, the aliens were refugees, the last survivors of their home world. The creatures were set up in a makeshift home in South Africa’s District 9 as the world’s nations argued over what to do with them. Now, patience over the alien situation has run out. The tension between the aliens and the humans comes to a head when a human field operative, Wikus van der Merwe, contracts a mysterious virus that begins changing his DNA. Wikus quickly becomes the most hunted man in the world, as well as the most valuable – he is the key to unlocking the secrets of alien technology. Ostracized and friendless, there is only one place left for him to hide – District 9. (Sony Pictures)

Rated: R

Bottom line: DISTRICT 9 comes out of nowhere and makes for a perfect bookend to the summer movie going season. It’s documentary, meets sci-fi, meets action, meets fantasy, meets political intrigue, meets horror, meets romance…and it balances all of these elements perfectly without ever loosening its slimy stranglehold on the audience. So good I’m now calling DISTRICT 10!

THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE (C-)

Starring: Rachel McAdams, Eric Bana and Ron Livingston

Story: Clare has been in love with Henry her entire life. She believes they are destined to be together, even though she never knows when they will be separated: Henry is a time traveler--cursed with a rare genetic anomaly that causes him to live his life on a shifting timeline, skipping back and forth through the years with no control. Despite the fact that Henry's travels force them apart with no warning, and never knowing when they will be reunited, Clare desperately tries to build a life with her one true love (Warner Bros.)

Rated: PG-13

Bottom line: I’m weeping as I type this – not because THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE is romantic and heartfelt – but because it’s soooo boring and one-note. The story has a great hook – and that, to me, made it tolerable. But the sappy, cheese-induced vibe of this nonsensical film is hard to swallow. You’d be better off simply time traveling, to the very near future, when you can rent this thing on NetFlix.

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD (D+)

Starring: Starring Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, James Brolin, David Koechner, Kathryn Hahn, Jordana Spiro and Ed Helms

Story: Who is Don Ready? Salesman? Lover? Song Stylist? Semi-professional dolphin trainer? Ready is all of the above, except for a dolphin trainer. When he’s asked to help save an ailing local car dealership from bankruptcy, Ready and his ragtag crew descend on the town of Temecula like a pack of coyotes on a basket full of burgers. Selling, drinking, selling and going to strip clubs is their stock and trade. And they do it well. What Don doesn’t expect is to fall in love and find his soul (cue heartfelt piano). (Paramount Vantage)

Rated: R

Bottom line: You’ll laugh, you’ll be shocked and you’ll be upset that you weren’t patient enough to wait until you caught this car dealer movie on cable. Don’t spend cash on this clunker!

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (?)

Starring: Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid, Ray Park, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Christopher Eccleston

Story: Paramount Pictures and Hasbro, whose previous collaboration was the worldwide blockbuster Transformers, join forces with Spyglass Entertainment for another extraordinary action-adventure. From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. JOE team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos.

Rated: PG-13

Bottom line: I wasn’t at all excited for this one until I heard there would be no screenings for critics…you can now color me intrigued. I’ve actually read (from a select few that were able to see it) that it’s severely flawed, has no character development and the story pretty much sucks (shocking I know) – but it sometimes makes up for all of that in summer, popcorn, escapist, guilty pleasure, don’t-tell-your-friends-you-actually-paid-to-see-it fun. Let the ‘ticket’ buyer beware!

DVD’S/BLURAYS RELEASED NEXT TUESDAY
I Love You, Man B+
State of Play A-
17 Again B-

JULIE & JULIA (B)

Starring: Meryl Streep, Amy Adams and Stanley Tucci

Story: Based on two true stories, Julie & Julia intertwines the lives of two women who, though separated by time and space, are both at loose ends...until they discover that with the right combination of passion, fearlessness and butter, anything is possible. (Sony Pictures)

Rated: PG-13

Bottom line: JULIE & JULIA is a light, funny, romantic and mostly cheerful film - but only half a solid movie exists. You’ll easily devour seconds of everything involving Julia (Meryl Streep) and gladly take the Julie (Amy Adams) leftovers home in a doggie bag…heat ‘em up for lunch the next day – or maybe not. A full course meal would have been nice.

A PERFECT GETAWAY (C+)

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Milla Jovovich, Steve Zahn, Kiele Sanchez and Chris Hemsworth

Story: Cliff and Cydney are an adventurous young couple celebrating their honeymoon by backpacking to one of the most beautiful, and remote, beaches in Hawaii. Hiking the wild, secluded trails, they believe they’ve found paradise. But when the pair comes across a group of frightened hikers discussing the horrifying murder of another newlywed couple on the islands, they begin to question whether they should turn back. (Rogue Pictures)

Rated: R

Bottom line: Cheesy, goofy and shockingly semi-entertaining so I gotta give it points for effort. It’s way over the top, gimmicky and corny but most of the time its way over the top, gimmicky and corny fun. The only thing perfect about this getaway, however, is that it’s possible to buy matinee tickets to see it.