WINTER'S TALE (F)

Bottom Line: The cinematic equivalent of dressing for a formal event with toilet paper stuck to your shoe all night, this visually competent (aside from the lazy special effects) and yet aggressively clumsily melodramatic yarn unabashedly preens for the gooey-eyed, popcorn sharing, soda-with-two-straws, Valentine’s Day crowd.  Too bad it turns out to be a methodically misguided, sub-supernatural, sugarcoated, saints versus demons (?!) suckfest.  The awkwardly hapless, time-hopping story – born of timeless love, seasonal miracles and destiny – is weirdly mesmerizing; you’ll either keep watching in wonderment of where this unintentionally screwball journey is going or you’ll throw up your hands and surrender to the stupidity.  You might even do both.  This is a cheese-riddled, connivingly convoluted, horribly written, oddly edited, painfully executed mess of a movie.  It did make me laugh, but I’m pretty sure that was not its intent.  Full of faux emotion, WINTER STALE is an eye-rollingly goofy, force-fed fairy tale that never takes flight.

Starring: Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, Jessica Brown-Findlay, William Hurt and Jennifer Connelly

Directed by: Akiva Goldsman

Rated: PG-13

Running time: 129 minutes

Story: Set in a mythic New York City and spanning more than a century, "Winter's Tale" is a story of miracles, crossed destinies, and the age-old battle between good and evil. (c) Warner Bros

Official site: www.winterstalemovie.com