Bottom Line: Here’s a quick way to save a few bucks – fight your misplaced urge to see the dreadfully laughable NEW YEAR’S HEAVE this weekend, stop by your local newsstand and purchase a copy of US Magazine instead. You may miss Michelle Pfeiffer do one of the worst bits of acting ever committed to the big screen by a multi-Oscar nominated actress – but you’ll save money and still get to see candid celebrity photos of all the stars who prostituted their ‘talents’ to be in this ridiculous movie. Stars! They’re just like us – except we don’t make awful movies. Painfully written, lazily acted, clumsily directed and edited by what I can only assume were six or seven chimpanzees locked in a Red Bull canning factory – this simple minded big screen cousin to the equally vomit-inducing VALENTINE’S DAY is the cinematic equivalent of a low-level purse snatcher. Yeah, maybe I’m not the demo they’re looking for but when my wife leans over, not 20 minutes in, and whispers ‘this is awful’ – I knew they missed their mark. Let’s spend this upcoming New Year’s Eve forgetting new acquaintances – like this movie – and never, NEVER bring them to mind.
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Biel, Halle Berry, Hilary Swank, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Sarah Jessica Parker, Abigail Breslin, Katherine Heigl, Seth Meyers, Jon Bon Jovi, Lea Michele, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sofia Vergara and Robert Deniro
Directed by: Gary Marshall
Running time: 118 minutes
Story: "New Year's Eve" celebrates love, hope, forgiveness, second chances and fresh starts, in the intertwining stories told amidst the pulse and promise of New York City on the most dazzling night of the year. (Warner Bros.)