Friday, August 19, 2011


Starring: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, Stephen Lang and Rachel Nichols

Rated: R
Story: The sword-wielding Conan the Barbarian out for revenge against the evil Khalar Singh, who enslaved and slaughtered the people of his village. Since birth, Conan's life has been marked by violence. And after watching his fellow tribesmen and his father brutally and cruelly killed, Conan vows to avenge his people's slaughter, even if it means sacrificing his own life in the process. (Lionsgate)

Bottom Line: Sometimes lowered expectations can be a good thing – and sometimes, as in the case of this unoriginal and unremarkable remake, things can and do get worse. Unfortunately CONAN is a horribly scripted, unpurposely campy, woefully nonsensical, cartoonishly action-packed, lamentably dull, overly blood-soaked, hackfully misdirected and painfully emotionless, cinematic 3D bore. It’s not even so bad it’s good. The two things, however, that keep this movie from ‘F’ territory are 1) Chris Momoa – who would have made a solid Conan in a darker, more edgier film and 2) the gratuitous female nudity (which my Movie Guy handbook dictates should always warrant extra points for any film; I’m a guy, whaddaya want from me?!). That being said, you’d still be better off buying a ticket, sneaking in to a theater not even showing a movie and staring at a blank movie screen for two hours.

No comments: