TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON (D)

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, John Malkovich, John Turturro, Patrick Dempsey and Frances McDormand

Directed by: Michael Bay (TRANSFORMERS 1, 2, BAD BOYS 1, 2 and PEARL HARBOR)
Rated: PG-13
Story: Transformers: Dark of the Moon features Sam Witwicky taking his first tenuous steps into adulthood while remaining a reluctant human ally of Optimus Prime. The film centers around the space race between the U.S.S.R. and the USA, suggesting there was a hidden Transformers role in it all that remains one of the planet's most dangerous secrets. The villain of the third film will be Shockwave. (DreamWorks Pictures)

Bottom Line: TRANSFORMERS 3 is a spectacular pile-up of uncreativity that lacks in depth, dialogue and character and for 2 ½ hours numbs the mind, aches the head and brutally assaults all five senses (yes, somehow, even touch, taste and smell). It’s a big-budget, cash-grab retread that, aside from being louder and in 3D, hardly sets itself apart from its predecessor. Yes, there are plenty of massive yet redundant action-packed robot battles but why buy a ticket when you can simply drive a car thru a paint store, with a metal trashcan full of lit fireworks in the passenger seat, and experience the same thing... TRANSFORMERS 3: Less than meets the eye.