Friday, October 23, 2009

CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE'S ASSISTANT (D+)

Starring: John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Ray Stevenson, Patrick Fugit, Orlando Jones, Willem Dafoe and Salma Hayek

Story: 16-year-old Darren was like most kids in his suburban neighborhood. He hung out with his best friend Steve, got decent grades and usually stayed out of trouble. But when he and his buddy stumble upon a traveling freak show, things begin to change inside Darren. That's the exact moment when a vampire named Larten Crepsley turns him into something, well, bloodthirsty. Newly undead, he joins the Cirque Du Freak, a touring sideshow filled with monstrous creatures from a snakeboy and a wolfman to a bearded lady and a gigantic barker. As Darren flexes his newfound powers in this dark world, he becomes a treasured pawn between the vampires and their deadlier counterparts. And while trying to survive, one boy will struggle to keep their brewing war from devouring what's left of his humanity. (Universal Pictures)

Rated: PG-13 for sequences of intense supernatural violence and action, disturbing images, thematic elements and some language

Bottom Line: Cool special effects barely save this un-scary, schizophrenically shot and sloppily written Tim Burton-esque wannabe. Now, on to more important things like what am I going to have for lunch today. Hmmm…

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